New Priest Finds Old Flame, High School Crush, Hot Twins Totally Available

Westerville, OK - Newly minted Priest Alex Botello hasn't even completely moved into his rectory and is already being tempted from his holy vows. Botello, age 26, decided to become a catholic priest after losing his job in 2007 and seeing much of his life going wrong.

"I lost my job at the beginning of the recession and I hadn't been laid since I had broken up with my ex-girlfriend Lacey nine months prior. I was striking out with women left and right. My finances were a mess, I was depressed and had no purpose in my life. I decided I needed to have something larger than myself to believe and dedicate my life to. So I joined a seminary and got my life straightened around," Father Botello said.

He took his vows two weeks ago and was assigned to the Westerville parish. Just as he settled in he got a call from his ex Lacey.

"She had been single as long as I had and decided that maybe she and I should give it another shot. I told her about the change in my life and she seemed happy for me, but disappointed nonetheless," Father Botello said.

Fahter Botello also ran into an old high school crush, Amy Derkins, at a coffee shop in town. He found out she had divorced her husband, the captain of their high school football team,  and was looking for someone more settled and less arrogant.

"She said she has always thought me cute in a nontraditional way and was interested in a date. I had to tell her that I was now unavailable. She moved on and is now seeing the guy who was the president of the chess team," Father Botello said.

Botello found his faith tempted a third time when he went to a bar with a long time friend last night and was approached by two hot twin sisters.

"They had been drinking all night and both were recently dumped by their boyfriends. They said both men had unsuccessfully tried to get them in a threesome and now they wanted to get back at them by giving the request to the cutest guy at the bar. It was the hardest decisions of my life, but I had to turn them down," Father Botello said.

Botello said he believes such temptations come in threes.  He believes it's a test from God and he passed successfully.

"As a precaution, I've decided to stay in the rectory for the next two weeks to pray and avoid contact with any willing females," Father Botello said.