Edmundston, New Brunswick, Canada- Swine flu has been a concern for Olympic planners ever since news of the disease broke earlier this year. Several worldwide events, including the Hajj in Mecca, Saudia Arabia, have been carefully planned to protect people. But the Olympic Games, which start in February, have been struck by another problem: The Olympic Torch has been infected by swine flu.
The torch, which brings a flame from Olympia, Greece to the site of the events, caught the disease a few days back when one of the carriers neglected to use hand sanitizer before handling it. This spread the disease to the torch, which has been coughing out the H1N1 virus since being infected. That means the people in the communities surrounding the route have been exposed and as the torch travels through Canada it could infect the whole nation.
"This is a sad and totally unforeseen event. We've heard of cats and dogs catching the virus, but inanimate objects like the torch didn't cross our minds. Right now the torch is leaving a trail of pestilence and death in its wake," said Michael Chambers, President of the Canadian Olympic Committee.
Asked if the torch could be put under quarantine until it is clear of the virus, Chambers said fear of the wrath of the Greek Gods prevented them.
"The Greek Gods, while rarely worshiped, have been sated by our remembrance of them during the Olympic Games. Were we to reject their fire we might end up like Prometheus, bound to the top of a rock with an eagle flying overhead that swoops in to eat out our entrails," Chambers said.
Canadian health officials have started requiring masks, gloves and hand sanitizer be used by Olympic torch bearers. People coming out to see the torch run by have been advised by government to take precautions against infection.
Monday, November 30, 2009
LEAKED: Obama to Draft Republican Surge Supporters to Fight in Afghanistan
Washington, D.C. - Leaked parts of Obama's West Point Speech show the President preparing for a draft of willing Americans that support. The speech, according to an unnamed source, was recently revised when the President heard a stirring argument in support of an immediate surge from Senator Jon Kyl of Arizona.
The argument by Kyl, spoken during a Fox News interview, called for an immediate surge rather than a phased deployment like Vietnam.
"Let's don't have talk of a phased deployment," Kyl said. "We'll send a few troops immediately, and then we'll see what happens, see how it plays out, maybe send some more. That's kind of reminiscent of Vietnam. That escalation, that slow escalation didn't work there. You need to put in everybody you can as quickly as you can and deliver a knockout punch to the enemy."
In the speech, without naming Kyl, Obama references the change.
"I came to this institution to say that any of you could be expected to serve in Afghanistan in the coming years as the escalation occurs, but now only those who graduate this year will likely see combat. Certain members of Congress have opened my eyes to the need for a knockout punch. There are thousands of Americans that have written to say they support an immediate, ballsy, take-no-bullshit surge. My message to those Americans is I have heard you, I know where you are coming from and where you live, and I have signed an executive order drafting you all to serve the purpose you have so much passion for. I say welcome to the Army, soldiers!"
Young supporters of war, like Jason Mattera of Young America's Foundation, have said that drafting people like them will drain resources from the Culture War raging closer to home. In an earlier interview with Chris Matthews Mattera spoke of the importance of his role in fighting the culture war at home.
Local College Republican leader Archie Burman said that, like Mattera, he has enlisted to fight the battle of ideas.
"Their are battlefields of blood and sweat, where people risk life and limb, but back at home we have another battlefield, of the mind. I've seen the best conservative minds of my generation destroyed by liberal madness, intellectually starving, their frail arguments laid naked, dragging themselves through the ivied halls for an angry fix of Glenn Beck. I've seen men who's bruised egos are more deserving of purple hearts than John Kerry, the ones who fell in battle and became "moderates" or "independents". I've seen the horror of the culture war, Don't tell me I'm a coward," Burman said, tearing up in remembrance of his fallen comrades.
The argument by Kyl, spoken during a Fox News interview, called for an immediate surge rather than a phased deployment like Vietnam.
"Let's don't have talk of a phased deployment," Kyl said. "We'll send a few troops immediately, and then we'll see what happens, see how it plays out, maybe send some more. That's kind of reminiscent of Vietnam. That escalation, that slow escalation didn't work there. You need to put in everybody you can as quickly as you can and deliver a knockout punch to the enemy."
In the speech, without naming Kyl, Obama references the change.
"I came to this institution to say that any of you could be expected to serve in Afghanistan in the coming years as the escalation occurs, but now only those who graduate this year will likely see combat. Certain members of Congress have opened my eyes to the need for a knockout punch. There are thousands of Americans that have written to say they support an immediate, ballsy, take-no-bullshit surge. My message to those Americans is I have heard you, I know where you are coming from and where you live, and I have signed an executive order drafting you all to serve the purpose you have so much passion for. I say welcome to the Army, soldiers!"
Young supporters of war, like Jason Mattera of Young America's Foundation, have said that drafting people like them will drain resources from the Culture War raging closer to home. In an earlier interview with Chris Matthews Mattera spoke of the importance of his role in fighting the culture war at home.
Local College Republican leader Archie Burman said that, like Mattera, he has enlisted to fight the battle of ideas.
"Their are battlefields of blood and sweat, where people risk life and limb, but back at home we have another battlefield, of the mind. I've seen the best conservative minds of my generation destroyed by liberal madness, intellectually starving, their frail arguments laid naked, dragging themselves through the ivied halls for an angry fix of Glenn Beck. I've seen men who's bruised egos are more deserving of purple hearts than John Kerry, the ones who fell in battle and became "moderates" or "independents". I've seen the horror of the culture war, Don't tell me I'm a coward," Burman said, tearing up in remembrance of his fallen comrades.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Children of vaccine deniers found shooting up across the country
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
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Rebellion, seeking relief from crippling diseases, cited as reasons.
New York - On an otherwise normal urban street corner several youths gather. This is an upperclass area of the city, not the sort of place where drug deals go down in the open. But several youths, some as young as four or five, gather waiting for their delivery. Then a man in a black van drives up.
"Got the money?" he asks.
"Sure," says one boy "Steve" who hands the collected money to the dealer.
The dealer hands a cardboard box over to "Steve".
"Everything thing you need, the vials, needles, alcohol wipes. Oh, yeah, don't forget..."
The man hands a red plastic medical waste container. He tells them to be safe and drives off.
While this is illicit, this is no deal of illegal drugs. From Park Avenue to Hartford, Connecticut affluent areas across the country are seeing a spike in youth self-medication of vaccines. Fear of vaccines driven by celebrity anti-vaccine advocates ane by an affluent arrogance that they know what's best, have several rich parents across the country denying their children the basic vaccines recommended by the medical establishment. Psychologist Andy Veritas has studied the vaccine denial and is exploring a few hypothesis of the cause.
"Jenny McCarthy is not representatives of science, but she represents the shallow dreams and desires of their fans. Added to Suzanne Somers's anti-chemotherapy campaign it causes otherwise intelligent people to doubt years of medical science. Well reasoned but non-famous scientists cannot hope to fight against it," Veritas said.
That anti-vaccine mania has led to children from the affluent families to buy vaccines from dealers. Many of the dealers are regular doctors who work in private practice. Steve said he know a network of them that distribute up and down the East Coast.
"The East Coast is run by the Hippocrates gang, know as the Hips. The West Coast is the American Red Cross, known as the Bloods. They run the illicit vaccine trade that supplies all of us with our stuff," Steve said.
Steve describes his role as a "pusher". He finds unvaccinated children and "pushes" the rubber stopper on the syringe to vaccinate them.On this night he has several vials of polio, rubella and seasonal flu vaccine.
"I've gotten plenty of regular flu vaccine to go around, but the shortage of swine flu vaccine is making my job hard." he says.
Several anti-vaccine advocates are aware of the activities and are launching a campaign to stop the trade.
"It's time we take back our well maintained streets," declared Cheryl O'Shaughnessy of Long Island, president of a local anti-vaccine protest group, "These Bloods and Hips are pushing dangerous drugs and turning our children from bright young snowflakes to autistic shells. Soon they'll do nothing but stare into their own little world instead of caring about school and their responsibilities."
While some predict an upcoming battle between the medical community and the anti-science groups, sociologist Gerald Hansen says historical trends show that medical science will win in the end.
"The anti-medicine quacks will go the way of the thigh master, into the basements and yard sales of history," Hansen proclaimed.
"Got the money?" he asks.
"Sure," says one boy "Steve" who hands the collected money to the dealer.
The dealer hands a cardboard box over to "Steve".
"Everything thing you need, the vials, needles, alcohol wipes. Oh, yeah, don't forget..."
The man hands a red plastic medical waste container. He tells them to be safe and drives off.
While this is illicit, this is no deal of illegal drugs. From Park Avenue to Hartford, Connecticut affluent areas across the country are seeing a spike in youth self-medication of vaccines. Fear of vaccines driven by celebrity anti-vaccine advocates ane by an affluent arrogance that they know what's best, have several rich parents across the country denying their children the basic vaccines recommended by the medical establishment. Psychologist Andy Veritas has studied the vaccine denial and is exploring a few hypothesis of the cause.
"Jenny McCarthy is not representatives of science, but she represents the shallow dreams and desires of their fans. Added to Suzanne Somers's anti-chemotherapy campaign it causes otherwise intelligent people to doubt years of medical science. Well reasoned but non-famous scientists cannot hope to fight against it," Veritas said.
That anti-vaccine mania has led to children from the affluent families to buy vaccines from dealers. Many of the dealers are regular doctors who work in private practice. Steve said he know a network of them that distribute up and down the East Coast.
"The East Coast is run by the Hippocrates gang, know as the Hips. The West Coast is the American Red Cross, known as the Bloods. They run the illicit vaccine trade that supplies all of us with our stuff," Steve said.
Steve describes his role as a "pusher". He finds unvaccinated children and "pushes" the rubber stopper on the syringe to vaccinate them.On this night he has several vials of polio, rubella and seasonal flu vaccine.
"I've gotten plenty of regular flu vaccine to go around, but the shortage of swine flu vaccine is making my job hard." he says.
Several anti-vaccine advocates are aware of the activities and are launching a campaign to stop the trade.
"It's time we take back our well maintained streets," declared Cheryl O'Shaughnessy of Long Island, president of a local anti-vaccine protest group, "These Bloods and Hips are pushing dangerous drugs and turning our children from bright young snowflakes to autistic shells. Soon they'll do nothing but stare into their own little world instead of caring about school and their responsibilities."
While some predict an upcoming battle between the medical community and the anti-science groups, sociologist Gerald Hansen says historical trends show that medical science will win in the end.
"The anti-medicine quacks will go the way of the thigh master, into the basements and yard sales of history," Hansen proclaimed.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Rationing H1N1 Vaccine to Elementary Students Favors Students Held Back, Disadvantages Gifted Students
Saturday, November 7, 2009
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Rockford, Ill - A recent program to give swine flu vaccines to high risk and elementary students has come under fire when it became apparent that the program as written favored dimmer students who had been held back several grades and disadvantaged gifted students who had advanced several grades.
Basing the distribution on the idea that younger students were at the most risk, the program rules only stated that children with high risk medical conditions or those 5th grade or below could get the vaccine. But due to the significant number of under performing students being held back, pupils up to age 15 have been made eligible for the vaccine, while several gifted preteens find themselves ineligible for the shot. Anna Martez, whose son Rodrigo was advanced twice and is now in 7th grade, said she was shocked her son couldn't get the shot at a recent vaccine event.
"I brought him in to get the shot, but the administrator said that he was ineligible because he wasn't an elementary student. I explained he was moved ahead, but she said that if he's so smart he should be able to find a way to get one by other means," Martez said.
Several parents of the held back students defended the program, stating that their children were at as much risk as the rest of the students and they needed the extra help. Leslie DeBlonde said her fourteen year-old son Ned was in a special situation because of his responsiblities at home.
"Ned ain't the brightest boy, and I've always told him he didn't need no education to succeed, despite what his teachers may say. But he can't be affording to be sick because he got's his new baby boy Johnny to take care of. His baby momma got ill with the flu a week back and he's got to watch him so she can get better," DeBlonde said.
Special education advocate Jarrod Martin argued that several of the children held back, while not suffering mental disabilities that would account for their low performance, should be treated as special cases and favoring gifted children would be discriminatory.
"Look, these children shouldn't be discriminated against just because they haven't committed themselves to school. There are several held back children in middle school not getting the vaccine either and the gifted children should feel lucky they were blessed with smarts and good parenting. Besides, if they were really smart they'd be working in medical fields like Doogie Howser and be eligible for it anyway. I'm tired of hearing these uppity gifted children thinking they are special or something," Martin said.
Basing the distribution on the idea that younger students were at the most risk, the program rules only stated that children with high risk medical conditions or those 5th grade or below could get the vaccine. But due to the significant number of under performing students being held back, pupils up to age 15 have been made eligible for the vaccine, while several gifted preteens find themselves ineligible for the shot. Anna Martez, whose son Rodrigo was advanced twice and is now in 7th grade, said she was shocked her son couldn't get the shot at a recent vaccine event.
"I brought him in to get the shot, but the administrator said that he was ineligible because he wasn't an elementary student. I explained he was moved ahead, but she said that if he's so smart he should be able to find a way to get one by other means," Martez said.
Several parents of the held back students defended the program, stating that their children were at as much risk as the rest of the students and they needed the extra help. Leslie DeBlonde said her fourteen year-old son Ned was in a special situation because of his responsiblities at home.
"Ned ain't the brightest boy, and I've always told him he didn't need no education to succeed, despite what his teachers may say. But he can't be affording to be sick because he got's his new baby boy Johnny to take care of. His baby momma got ill with the flu a week back and he's got to watch him so she can get better," DeBlonde said.
Special education advocate Jarrod Martin argued that several of the children held back, while not suffering mental disabilities that would account for their low performance, should be treated as special cases and favoring gifted children would be discriminatory.
"Look, these children shouldn't be discriminated against just because they haven't committed themselves to school. There are several held back children in middle school not getting the vaccine either and the gifted children should feel lucky they were blessed with smarts and good parenting. Besides, if they were really smart they'd be working in medical fields like Doogie Howser and be eligible for it anyway. I'm tired of hearing these uppity gifted children thinking they are special or something," Martin said.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Inflation Threatens Monopoly Dollar, Other Currencies Shaky
Friday, October 23, 2009
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The fall of home real estate market made the little green house completely worthless and now a second bubble in commercial real estate threatens the rest of the board. Hotels and commercial properties from Mediterranean Avenue to Boardwalk have dropped in value since the beginning of the recession. This has people questioning whether the Monopoly dollar should remain as the standard board game world currency.
Since being bailed out by US government Monopoly and its bank face several restrictions, including a 90% cut in pay, making GO only pay $20 each time it it passed or landed on. Special perks, like collecting all the Community Chest money for landing on free parking, have also been eliminated.
The government tried to stimulate the market by offering an income tax credit for buying up property, lowering it to $100 or 8%. They also tried to improve manufacturing by trading in the game's 1930's vehicle for a newly manufactured one.
Some people advocate a switch to the Game of Life currency, arguing the game is more diversified than Monopoly. They cite that Life contains more cars and stimulates more domestic spending for kids, rather than Monopoly's simple investment spending. Others question the Life, stating that the game relies too much on the spin of the dial and there is no social safety net for retirement if people end up with little at the end of the game.
"What of the poor people that will be left over? That could cause social unrest like we saw in the Great Depression. This is merely a game of chance and laissez-faire economics," claims AARP spokeman Ari Forth.
Others support the Life currency, especially the CATO institute.
"The Game of Life is not some strict square of predetermined paths. It has choices such as a variety of careers and houses, whether to go to college or straight to the job force, and where to retire," said a CATO report that came out in September.
Another big question hovering over the conference was the state of health care reform. Physicians of the Operation board questioned whether the health reform will cost them their fees in surgery and other aspects of the current bills.
"The biggest fear we have is that nothing will be done on malpractice reform," said Dr. Jame Pivot, a Writer's Cramp specialist, "Some of our jobs are just dang hard and we'll occasionally set off the alarm. But we shouldn't have to pay out exorbitant insurance fees or settlements."
The Democrat's threats of ending insurers' monopolies has special resonance at the conference, for obvious reasons.
This is considered to be the biggest conference of Board Games this year, though President Obama has hinted at a military strategy conference of Battleship, Risk and Axis and Allies.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
CIA Monitors Blogs and Social Networks, Feels "Intelligence" Part of Agency Atrophying
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
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Washington, D.C. - Wired Magazine reported that the Central Intelligence Agency was investing in monitoring social networking. In-Q-Tel, the venture capital arm of the CIA, has invested in Visible Technologies, a company that creates software to monitor social networking sites.
However, an early test of the system shows that the software may be overrated. While the software could alert the CIA to trends in selected countries, as was the case in Iran elections and Twitter, the weakness is that most Tweets, shared pictures and blog posts are either inane self centered ramblings or else cut and paste from others' ramblings. So far attempts to sort out the stupid from the relevant has been an impossible task.
"Some people say that if you have nothing to hide you have nothing to worry about," said CIA Civil Rights Liaison Greg Larson, "But for God's sake, people need to hide a lot more. We're not talking for legal reasons, we're talking common human decency. Blogging your shits, family issues and pictures of your genital sores are TMI!"
TMI has literally become the name the CIA has attached to the software's problems. Inundation with useless crap has become the biggest weakness to the program and could be exploited by enemies and hackers.
"We saw many supporters of the Iranian Protesters change their Twitter location to Tehran to jam Iran's outdated security monitoring," said CIA expert Jessie Clangley, "But other groups such as Hamas, Al Qaeda and Anonymous could be strategically or dickishly send false data up in bursts that can confuse and overwhelm the system. This could lead to issues like the Japanese telegram jam before the attack on Pearl Harbor, or worse, Anonymous sending CP from /b/ into our system and getting the FBI on our case. That's a headache we don't need."
CIA has currently not included Facebook in order to avoid incessant App invites and MySpace to prevent the system from falling into a blinkie induced epileptic seizure.
However, an early test of the system shows that the software may be overrated. While the software could alert the CIA to trends in selected countries, as was the case in Iran elections and Twitter, the weakness is that most Tweets, shared pictures and blog posts are either inane self centered ramblings or else cut and paste from others' ramblings. So far attempts to sort out the stupid from the relevant has been an impossible task.
"Some people say that if you have nothing to hide you have nothing to worry about," said CIA Civil Rights Liaison Greg Larson, "But for God's sake, people need to hide a lot more. We're not talking for legal reasons, we're talking common human decency. Blogging your shits, family issues and pictures of your genital sores are TMI!"
TMI has literally become the name the CIA has attached to the software's problems. Inundation with useless crap has become the biggest weakness to the program and could be exploited by enemies and hackers.
"We saw many supporters of the Iranian Protesters change their Twitter location to Tehran to jam Iran's outdated security monitoring," said CIA expert Jessie Clangley, "But other groups such as Hamas, Al Qaeda and Anonymous could be strategically or dickishly send false data up in bursts that can confuse and overwhelm the system. This could lead to issues like the Japanese telegram jam before the attack on Pearl Harbor, or worse, Anonymous sending CP from /b/ into our system and getting the FBI on our case. That's a headache we don't need."
CIA has currently not included Facebook in order to avoid incessant App invites and MySpace to prevent the system from falling into a blinkie induced epileptic seizure.
New Priest Finds Old Flame, High School Crush, Hot Twins Totally Available
Westerville, OK - Newly minted Priest Alex Botello hasn't even completely moved into his rectory and is already being tempted from his holy vows. Botello, age 26, decided to become a catholic priest after losing his job in 2007 and seeing much of his life going wrong.
"I lost my job at the beginning of the recession and I hadn't been laid since I had broken up with my ex-girlfriend Lacey nine months prior. I was striking out with women left and right. My finances were a mess, I was depressed and had no purpose in my life. I decided I needed to have something larger than myself to believe and dedicate my life to. So I joined a seminary and got my life straightened around," Father Botello said.
He took his vows two weeks ago and was assigned to the Westerville parish. Just as he settled in he got a call from his ex Lacey.
"She had been single as long as I had and decided that maybe she and I should give it another shot. I told her about the change in my life and she seemed happy for me, but disappointed nonetheless," Father Botello said.
Fahter Botello also ran into an old high school crush, Amy Derkins, at a coffee shop in town. He found out she had divorced her husband, the captain of their high school football team, and was looking for someone more settled and less arrogant.
"She said she has always thought me cute in a nontraditional way and was interested in a date. I had to tell her that I was now unavailable. She moved on and is now seeing the guy who was the president of the chess team," Father Botello said.
Botello found his faith tempted a third time when he went to a bar with a long time friend last night and was approached by two hot twin sisters.
"They had been drinking all night and both were recently dumped by their boyfriends. They said both men had unsuccessfully tried to get them in a threesome and now they wanted to get back at them by giving the request to the cutest guy at the bar. It was the hardest decisions of my life, but I had to turn them down," Father Botello said.
Botello said he believes such temptations come in threes. He believes it's a test from God and he passed successfully.
"As a precaution, I've decided to stay in the rectory for the next two weeks to pray and avoid contact with any willing females," Father Botello said.
"I lost my job at the beginning of the recession and I hadn't been laid since I had broken up with my ex-girlfriend Lacey nine months prior. I was striking out with women left and right. My finances were a mess, I was depressed and had no purpose in my life. I decided I needed to have something larger than myself to believe and dedicate my life to. So I joined a seminary and got my life straightened around," Father Botello said.
He took his vows two weeks ago and was assigned to the Westerville parish. Just as he settled in he got a call from his ex Lacey.
"She had been single as long as I had and decided that maybe she and I should give it another shot. I told her about the change in my life and she seemed happy for me, but disappointed nonetheless," Father Botello said.
Fahter Botello also ran into an old high school crush, Amy Derkins, at a coffee shop in town. He found out she had divorced her husband, the captain of their high school football team, and was looking for someone more settled and less arrogant.
"She said she has always thought me cute in a nontraditional way and was interested in a date. I had to tell her that I was now unavailable. She moved on and is now seeing the guy who was the president of the chess team," Father Botello said.
Botello found his faith tempted a third time when he went to a bar with a long time friend last night and was approached by two hot twin sisters.
"They had been drinking all night and both were recently dumped by their boyfriends. They said both men had unsuccessfully tried to get them in a threesome and now they wanted to get back at them by giving the request to the cutest guy at the bar. It was the hardest decisions of my life, but I had to turn them down," Father Botello said.
Botello said he believes such temptations come in threes. He believes it's a test from God and he passed successfully.
"As a precaution, I've decided to stay in the rectory for the next two weeks to pray and avoid contact with any willing females," Father Botello said.
INTERVIEW: Ig Nobel Prize Winner and Deposed Nigerian Prince Jon A Mbeki on Global Economic Crisis, Banking, and How You, By Sending Some Money, Can Share in His Hidden Fortune
The Blogging Bard recently got an e-mail from 2005 Ig Nobel Prize Winner and deposed Nigerian Prince Jon A Mbeki. Mr. Mbeki shared some of his thoughts about the global crisis and how even we, good friends, could make money while helping the poor man recover his lost fortune. Below is the interview, done via e-mail, between the Blogging Bard and Prince Mbeki.
Blogging Bard: Thank you for your time, Prince Mbeki. Many people in America know the current economic crisis has global reach. Please tell us about how your country has been affected by the global crisis.
Prince Mbeki: Thank you for your return e-mail, Blogging Bard. You have heard how this global financial crisis has caused economic suffering in the world. In my home country of Nigeria a coup took over and trapped my wealth in the National Bank. In order to get it back I humbly request your assistance. Before the coup takes the National Bank over I can wire funds to an outside bank account. By sending $500 dollars and giving me your account and password, I can move my fortune of 23,560,000 (TWENTY THREE MILLION, FIVE HUNDRED AND SIXTY THOUSAND DOLLARS) to your account. I will give you a transfer fee of $1 MILLION DOLLARS (US CURRENCY) for participating in this transaction.
Blogging Bard: It sound like you're having a rough time on the domestic front. Our own President Obama is facing some unrest from conservative Americans. How is that playing out in Africa?
Prince Mbeki: It may come as a surprise, but I am close friends with the Obamas of Kenya. In fact, Barack Obama recently sent his Nobel Prize winnings to Africa. But due to corruption, the police have arrested his brother George. George has hidden the money in a secret location. We need to raise money to bail him out of the prison. When he is out we will move him to the US embassy, which will fly him to America. If you send $1000 to bail him out he will share $100,000 of the $1.4 million of the Nobel money that he received.
Blogging Bard: Wow, you have quite the connections. I suppose being the prince entitles you to meet so many people. Has your relationship with Obama's brother gotten you or your country any benefits in financial assistance?
Prince Mbeki: Are you interested in getting a cut of the Obama's bailouts? Not just for banks and auto companies, the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act of 2009 has benefits YOU can collect! We offer a low cost booklet showing all the programs that you may be eligible for! Sign up with your Social Security Number and Bank Account and start receiving your own PERSONAL BAILOUT!
Blogging Bard: Wow, that's certainly useful. You've definitely got a diverse range of financial opportunities. However, some people have questioned your business practices and even drawn parallels between you and Bernie Madoff. What do you have to say to those accusations?
Prince Mbeki: Did you know that you could be eligible for benefits of a class action suit against Bernie Madoff? People who lost their savings, 401k, or IRA can stand to gain thousands back in this suit! Contact The Mbeki & Goldfarb Law Firm (New York, London, Singapore, Chicago, Tokyo, Paris) and we can tell you if you are eligible for part of this class action lawsuit. For a small upfront fee of $500 you can share in $10,000+ in a settlement. No attorney cut on the settlement!
Blogging Bard: That's certainly interesting. I might have to join in to collect. Any final words of financial advice before we end this interview?
Prince Mbeki: Secret stock tips of the experts! Learn the strategies of Morgan Stanley that has earned them BILLIONS in profit in this bad economy. Send an e-mail for out prospectus and money management newsletter.
Blogging Bard: Thank you, your highness. I'm sure we'll be hearing from you soon.
Blogging Bard: Thank you for your time, Prince Mbeki. Many people in America know the current economic crisis has global reach. Please tell us about how your country has been affected by the global crisis.
Prince Mbeki: Thank you for your return e-mail, Blogging Bard. You have heard how this global financial crisis has caused economic suffering in the world. In my home country of Nigeria a coup took over and trapped my wealth in the National Bank. In order to get it back I humbly request your assistance. Before the coup takes the National Bank over I can wire funds to an outside bank account. By sending $500 dollars and giving me your account and password, I can move my fortune of 23,560,000 (TWENTY THREE MILLION, FIVE HUNDRED AND SIXTY THOUSAND DOLLARS) to your account. I will give you a transfer fee of $1 MILLION DOLLARS (US CURRENCY) for participating in this transaction.
Blogging Bard: It sound like you're having a rough time on the domestic front. Our own President Obama is facing some unrest from conservative Americans. How is that playing out in Africa?
Prince Mbeki: It may come as a surprise, but I am close friends with the Obamas of Kenya. In fact, Barack Obama recently sent his Nobel Prize winnings to Africa. But due to corruption, the police have arrested his brother George. George has hidden the money in a secret location. We need to raise money to bail him out of the prison. When he is out we will move him to the US embassy, which will fly him to America. If you send $1000 to bail him out he will share $100,000 of the $1.4 million of the Nobel money that he received.
Blogging Bard: Wow, you have quite the connections. I suppose being the prince entitles you to meet so many people. Has your relationship with Obama's brother gotten you or your country any benefits in financial assistance?
Prince Mbeki: Are you interested in getting a cut of the Obama's bailouts? Not just for banks and auto companies, the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act of 2009 has benefits YOU can collect! We offer a low cost booklet showing all the programs that you may be eligible for! Sign up with your Social Security Number and Bank Account and start receiving your own PERSONAL BAILOUT!
Blogging Bard: Wow, that's certainly useful. You've definitely got a diverse range of financial opportunities. However, some people have questioned your business practices and even drawn parallels between you and Bernie Madoff. What do you have to say to those accusations?
Prince Mbeki: Did you know that you could be eligible for benefits of a class action suit against Bernie Madoff? People who lost their savings, 401k, or IRA can stand to gain thousands back in this suit! Contact The Mbeki & Goldfarb Law Firm (New York, London, Singapore, Chicago, Tokyo, Paris) and we can tell you if you are eligible for part of this class action lawsuit. For a small upfront fee of $500 you can share in $10,000+ in a settlement. No attorney cut on the settlement!
Blogging Bard: That's certainly interesting. I might have to join in to collect. Any final words of financial advice before we end this interview?
Prince Mbeki: Secret stock tips of the experts! Learn the strategies of Morgan Stanley that has earned them BILLIONS in profit in this bad economy. Send an e-mail for out prospectus and money management newsletter.
Blogging Bard: Thank you, your highness. I'm sure we'll be hearing from you soon.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
GUNS AND KILLIN' COMMENTARY: Try Organic Deer Bait to Keep Venison Organic, Free Range
Thursday, October 15, 2009
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BY DALE MCMANLY DALESON
What do a manly deer hunter and a nancy-guy running the Whole Foods have in common? Not a lot, as y'all hunter know. But the one thing both could use is more organic meat in his diet.
The Nancy-man simply needs to stop eating them soy-burgers that make his so gassy and lean. A good dose of stew will fill him out and finally get some testosterone in his veins.
But even us hunters could use some better meat in our diets. See, tasty as those steaks you buy in the Supermarket are, the farmers now a days pump them full of growth hormones that give guys man-boobs. The only rack you want to be sporting is a nice 18 pointer in the living room, not a rack that rivals your stripper cousin Debbie's.
As hunters y'all are already at an advantage. Deer don't get injected full of shit, unless they feed near a nuclear plant. They're also free range, which should shut up your sissy college cousin out on the East Coast.
The newest innovation in organic deer hunting is the use of organic bait. Most of those corn bait you get is genetically modified and hit with pesticides, fertilizers and all sorts of other shit. Rather than taint your deer with some Frankenstein corn, you should hunt like your Daddy and great-grandaddy and only use natural corn like that type they grew themselves. Think of this as a return to the old ways, not some sissy touchy feely type thing.
When you bring home your deer you can proudly proclaim you've got a locally sourced, free range organic meal made by your own hands. See if you can't show up that nancy-man at Whole Foods. But don't get to uppity. You should do the Christian thing and invite him to the celebratory deer-meat dinner. The hunting gods will reward you next season with a nice 18 pointer walking into clear range only fifty yards away. Just as you pull your trigger you can remember that by going organic, you've been rewarded by karma.
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Guns and Killin' is a recurring segment on Blogging Bard where Dale McManly Daleson will inform you on the latest in hunting, fishing, outdoorsmanship, and home protection.
What do a manly deer hunter and a nancy-guy running the Whole Foods have in common? Not a lot, as y'all hunter know. But the one thing both could use is more organic meat in his diet.
The Nancy-man simply needs to stop eating them soy-burgers that make his so gassy and lean. A good dose of stew will fill him out and finally get some testosterone in his veins.
But even us hunters could use some better meat in our diets. See, tasty as those steaks you buy in the Supermarket are, the farmers now a days pump them full of growth hormones that give guys man-boobs. The only rack you want to be sporting is a nice 18 pointer in the living room, not a rack that rivals your stripper cousin Debbie's.
The newest innovation in organic deer hunting is the use of organic bait. Most of those corn bait you get is genetically modified and hit with pesticides, fertilizers and all sorts of other shit. Rather than taint your deer with some Frankenstein corn, you should hunt like your Daddy and great-grandaddy and only use natural corn like that type they grew themselves. Think of this as a return to the old ways, not some sissy touchy feely type thing.
When you bring home your deer you can proudly proclaim you've got a locally sourced, free range organic meal made by your own hands. See if you can't show up that nancy-man at Whole Foods. But don't get to uppity. You should do the Christian thing and invite him to the celebratory deer-meat dinner. The hunting gods will reward you next season with a nice 18 pointer walking into clear range only fifty yards away. Just as you pull your trigger you can remember that by going organic, you've been rewarded by karma.
***
Guns and Killin' is a recurring segment on Blogging Bard where Dale McManly Daleson will inform you on the latest in hunting, fishing, outdoorsmanship, and home protection.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
The Orthodox Jewish Online Debate Conundrum: Obedience Vs. Argument.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
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The Internet has created a connected world where ideas can be shared across boundaries in many ways. This has been a boon to society, but it comes with its downsides. Most people have had to dealt with trolls and rude anonymous individuals wasting the internet with their garbage, but few will face the problems that some Orthodox Jews must face.
If there are two things Orthodox Jews like, it's Obedience to G~D and Argument. They says if two Jews are arguing there are three opinions between them. The internet has been a boon to the Jewish diaspora to maintain intellectual debate amongst themselves. However, the distance and time zone differences have a fatal flaw in that debate.
Imagine it's Friday afternoon and a particularly strong debate is going on a Jewish forum. If a Jew in New York and a Jew in Chicago are arguing a point and neither wants to concede the last word, the Chicago Jew has the upper hand. He has a full hour before sundown to make his final replies. Jewish law prevents the use of computers on Shabbat, meaning the Jew in New York must shut down if he is to stay obedient. By the end of Shabbat the debate will be a day old an lose its fire and the New York Jew must concede to that putz in Chicago.
Distance becomes a hindrance. While before it would be comical to see a Jew on one side of the time zone dividing line arguing with another Jew on the other side until one becomes quiet because of Shabbat, how does one online deal with it in the real world?
A few suggestion for Jews who find themselves in this situation.
1.Think globally, argue locally - Stick to debate partners that live in the same time zone. Even if the argument remains unresolved, you'll at least have equal chance to get in the last word. and you'll have the whole next day to think some witty retort to the schmuck's counterpoint.
or
2. Think globally, argue the guy a time zone ahead - It's not your fault time zones are what they are. If the other guy's fool enough to argue near Shabbat with someone a time zone ahead, shouldn't he already lose?
or
3. Suppose you end up having to argue on the Internet with some else, hire a Gentile as a typist. That's kosher, right?
If there are two things Orthodox Jews like, it's Obedience to G~D and Argument. They says if two Jews are arguing there are three opinions between them. The internet has been a boon to the Jewish diaspora to maintain intellectual debate amongst themselves. However, the distance and time zone differences have a fatal flaw in that debate.
Imagine it's Friday afternoon and a particularly strong debate is going on a Jewish forum. If a Jew in New York and a Jew in Chicago are arguing a point and neither wants to concede the last word, the Chicago Jew has the upper hand. He has a full hour before sundown to make his final replies. Jewish law prevents the use of computers on Shabbat, meaning the Jew in New York must shut down if he is to stay obedient. By the end of Shabbat the debate will be a day old an lose its fire and the New York Jew must concede to that putz in Chicago.
Distance becomes a hindrance. While before it would be comical to see a Jew on one side of the time zone dividing line arguing with another Jew on the other side until one becomes quiet because of Shabbat, how does one online deal with it in the real world?
A few suggestion for Jews who find themselves in this situation.
1.Think globally, argue locally - Stick to debate partners that live in the same time zone. Even if the argument remains unresolved, you'll at least have equal chance to get in the last word. and you'll have the whole next day to think some witty retort to the schmuck's counterpoint.
or
2. Think globally, argue the guy a time zone ahead - It's not your fault time zones are what they are. If the other guy's fool enough to argue near Shabbat with someone a time zone ahead, shouldn't he already lose?
or
3. Suppose you end up having to argue on the Internet with some else, hire a Gentile as a typist. That's kosher, right?
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